If you're looking for a party where your date is attacked and mobbed by hostesses and go-go dancers looking for their next kill and you're left shocked by what just happened, OneLegUpNYC may have just that evening well planned for you.

There's lots of swing parties in Manhattan these days, but few claim to be that power-sexed and exclusive as OneLegUpNYC, a club-with-no-fixed-address, floated by a plump 40-something who calls herself Palagia (shown above). The outfit throws monthly "take out" and "eat in" parties for couples- and females-only and she goes a long way to emphasize that her parties are very upscale and not just for anybody.

Our team that tried two of her parties recently however came up a little short on that experience.

At two take-out parties (which ostensibly means you meet couples and then if sparks fly you get lucky and escort them to your home or a hotel) our team recently attended, we found couples few and far between from the image that Palagia had us present. 

Both parties were sparsely attended, even though Palagia claimed that "the action really doesn't get heated up" till later, by which she meant closer to closing time which is like 4 a.m. Well our team certainly didn't stick around that long because of "incense fatigue" as they called it. The party area was so heavily decked out with incense sticks burning everywhere that it cast a spell on our team which was comatose with eyes pierced – at the ceiling – waiting for some action to begin. Apparently, there was a hottub somewhere in the club, but we missed it!

The second party had fewer than a dozen couples and the space was too large which made things spread a bit too thin. And most of the sparse couples already seemed to know each other (a couple from DC was a regular bringing a retinue and not really mingling with other couples) which made carousing all that difficult. 

The highlight of the evening was a communal body rub – a la dirty dancing – with no free for all to follow. It was mostly gyrations – with pasties. Like a rite of passage of sorts.

And if you were not amused by that, you were being reminded by every other non-couple female in attendance that business was a pleasure. Our team got solicited by a woman trying to launch her body paint business, a Brazilian peddling her lingerie collection, and male and female lap dancers with see-through side pockets that could hold a twenty dollar bill, the going rate for a show. And of course it was cash bar.

This group charges an inordinate amount of money to join ($350) plus you have to pay closer to $100 each time you get invited to her parties. And you can't bring your own drinks which sucks because the club drinks are not cheap. So the question remains: Why would one pay so much money to belong to a group when you can go to any other swing club in town for a lot less and BYOB – not to mention that you have a lot more to pick from. (By the way, many local swing clubs have started to drop their attendance prices due to the recession).

From the team's two visits and gleaning by conversations with couples, this group is for the faint-hearted, the one's that tip-toe into the world of swing, or as they called it, soft swapping. A lot of kissing and huffing and puffing – but nothing beyond. 

At some parties you have to keep an eye on your drink. But here you may have to keep an eye on your date. If a friendly hostess starts chatting her up, or asks her if she wants to go to the rest room, or totally ignores you but has her tongue up your date's throat, you know someone is going to be a sore loser (meaning you) and someone a sore winner (your date). Only you won't be there to share the good times and the group may just be pulling your leg (down not up).

We'd keep our legs firmly in place for this group. Two thumbs-down.